After taking a seven day course inside last week, I’m feeling very separated from reality. (You know, reality TV of course.) But living my home life vicariously through television doesn’t exactly clear the clouds for me either. So with my first weekday “back to the grind” of...well...doing nothing, I figured I needed to do something to get rid of this manic Monday. I needed a quick way to get out of the funk. Something that could make me instantly happy, at least temporarily. And with that thought, one of my favorite men (and quotes) flooded my brain: “Mr. Sunshine on my G**damn shoulder John Denver.” If sunshine made him happy - and that much money - I’d give it a shot.
So without another thought I headed outside, dog in tow, and I walked. And I walked and I walked. Now I know this seems obvious, but to someone living in a world of darkness, the sun really did make things lighter. Not as in weight, but as in it’s shade. It actually brightened things up. I know, I know. Duh. But seriously. The fresh air made it a little easier to breathe, not just through my lungs, but in my head. And the sun has this false way of making things seem happier. Like when birds chirp it sounds cheery, even though they might be squawking at their birdie husbands to take out the nest’s garbage or something. And the cars pass by with their windows down and music turned up, and I know someone has gotta be jamming in there, even if it is to some wretched Fiona Apple song. And the color of the flowers just seem to be a little more vibrant. They actually make you want to stop and smell them. (But don’t worry, I didn’t. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone thinking I was cliche.)
When I lived in Boston, I often heard many references to seasonal depression. It was cold, but mostly dark, for like seven melancholy months of the year. And it wasn’t just the black that made it so doleful, but the lack of vitamin D from the sun actually prevents you physiologically from being happy. You can drink all the milk you want, but strong bones and pretty teeth won’t get you anywhere when you got nothin’ to stand up and smile about. And so now that I’m in L.A., I took full advantage of this winter season. And I drank in a big ol’ glass of sunshine instead.
At one point, I stopped in a park and let my dog just roll around. It’s his favorite thing to do. He dive-bombs the grass like it’s a swimming pool in the middle of the desert in August. He writhes and wiggles himself all around, letting it scratch his back for a while, and then when he’s finally satisfied, he freezes. Completely still like a game of tag. Afraid that if he moves, I’ll tug at his leash to make him get up from the lawn of luxury, where he basks in the golden sun. I always giggle to myself when he does this, but this time I thought, if he’s this happy doing it, maybe I will be too. So I laid down beside him. (No - I didn't roll. Sorry.)
We laid for a good hour-and-a-half, and even got ourselves a little tan in the process (ok, just a little less pasty). I tried to just enjoy it for what it was, instead of what it wasn’t. And when I opened my eyes and looked up at the tree branches above me, I was completely taken aback by the strangest thing. Now maybe it was the angle in which I was laying or pure dehydration (you know, like one of those mirages people have in the movies), but for the first time, the tree was three dimensional. Yes. Three dimensional. Like the background of the sky behind it was distant from it. And the leaves stuck out. And some branches were closer to me than others. It was a totally trippy tree.
Now I don’t know if I’ve just been watching too much of the idiot box or what, but in a few quick blinks, I realized that my world has apparently been flat for a very long time. And as sad as that made me, I also kinda felt like Christopher Columbus for a few minutes, suddenly discovering a whole new world I didn’t know existed. A completely new way of seeing things. Without acid or mushrooms. Mr Denver, you weren’t kidding when you said, “Sunshine almost always makes me high.” And although I’m sure I’ll come down from this trip very soon, the flashbacks will make me really f**king happy.
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